Dear Sony...

I feel like maybe I put this off for too long, talking to you like this. It seems like I should have taken you aside the second you announced "The Amazing Spiderman" would be a be a sort-of reboot. 

Telling Spiderman's origin story again with a severely reduced budget, starring Eduardo from "The Social Network" seemed like the kind of corporate stupidity Hollywood revels in.

It just feels so...focus grouped. 

Tailored to make the board executives chortle vigorously into their kiddie pools of Patrón and silver dollars.

Thankfully that corporate mindset has payed off for you guys. "The Amazing Spiderman" earned $35 million on opening day. The business shamans (analysts) are saying it will earn $140 million by Sunday.

 Granted, you probably are a little disappointed it didn't do as well as the Raimi Spiderman movies, but I'm sure you'll power through it.

The movie has even done well with the foppish internet movie critics of our day. It's sitting pretty with a 71 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

I'm happy it all worked out for you. Really I am. You probably have all celebrated by retreating to your own private islands and doing whatever it is disturbingly rich executives do, like hunting Narwals.

The thing is, there's a problem here. It's reflected in most of the reviews, which is usually one sentence that prefaces the first paragraph;

Why exactly does this movie exist?

It's not about the quality of the film, it's that everyone still remembers the first Sam Raimi Spiderman. 

Even worse, they remember that there were two Sam Raimi Spiderman movies after that one, which means that the Spiderman character and universe were already pretty well established by the time you decided to set everything back to square one with the reboot.

Why exactly did you decide to redo the origin story, by the way?

I can rationalize everything else as corporate stupidity. But the attempted Batman Begins of the franchise seems like regular stupidity.

It doesn't help that the Spiderman origin is that special kind of comic book silliness.

A guy gets bitten by a radio active spider, which then gives him super charged parkour powers and the spider fueled intelligence to build web shooters. No amount of Christopher Nolans could make that "gritty" or "real."

It's not that I don't understand your situation, Sony. I know that you have to keep making Spiderman movies to keep the rights from reverting back to Marvel. I know that must have put you in a bind when Sam and Co scattered to the wind after you forced them to make Spiderman 3 terrible.

I understand all that, but...just, listen. Here's a secret that will probably make you all simultaneously shatter your capitalistic movie making monocles; A new superhero movie, or at least a reboot, doesn't have to be an origin story. 

Think back to the one movie that really got this whole trend going, Tim Burton's Batman. How cool was it that we knew next to nothing about The Batman? He was like a mythical creature to everyone in Gotham. Choosing not to focus on how he became that myth enhanced that aspect.

How cool would it be if you bought the rights to, say, "Moon Knight" and then did a movie that never even mentioned his origin? Sooo cool Sony, that's how cool it would be.

See, the thing you also have to realize is that it doesn't really matter, monetarily at least, what the Spiderman movies are about. "Spiderman 3" made $890.9 million worldwide and featured an emo haired, dancing Peter Parker.

It's enough for Spiderman to be in the title to get the herds into the theaters. Why not use that fact as not an excuse to shart out a reboot, but an economic freedom to really experiment with the franchise?

At the very least, you could temporarily allow Marvel the Spiderman character for "Avengers 2." That would then build up some buzz for whatever Spiderman movie you would need then to put into production (maybe a Harlem Globetrotters crossover, just throwing it out there. I might have a treatment floating around, somewhere...) while giving the fanboys what they want.

Either way Sony, you need to do something to make them fanboys happy. We remember Turn Off the Dark.

We'll always remember, you bastards.