Have you ever been to a high school play where there is one guy who doesn’t really act, he just mumbles through his half memorized lines? Doesn’t really have any reason to be there except that he thought it would get him closer to the girl playing Juliet?
Now imagine an entire one act play with every actor being that guy. As well as the writer and director.
You now have a rough idea of what it is like to sit through Helen & Troy, a production that feels so half assed that it borders on having no ass at all.
The actors aren’t actors. They just sort of talk to each other on stage, with no emotion. They sometimes talk slightly louder, as if they have some kind of clue as to what this gosh darn thing called emoting is, but can’t quite figure it out.
Helen is supposed to be drunk, but you would have no way of knowing if the other two on stage didn’t say so. She seriously fails at acting drunk, something 12-year-olds who have never even heard of Vodka know how to at least attempt.
The story focuses on Troy trying to break up with Helen, so he can be with her mother Tina.
It’s not an original story. It’s not an interesting story. It’s a story that exists as a threadbare excuse for drama, drama that isn’t conveyed by the bored zombies on stage.
I had to write a critical review of this for JACC, and I seriously could not find one redeeming quality in this thing. Oh, wait. Helen had a giant ass.
There you go.
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